"Never charge alone again. Meet Susy, your phone's new best friend."
Revolutionary photovoltaic cells harvest energy from your phone's own screen glow. The brighter your screen, the more power it generates. It's a perpetual energy cycle! Works on OLED, LCD, AMOLED, and whatever marketing buzzword your manufacturer uses.
Whether you're Team Fruit Phone, Team Green Robot, Team Pure Android, Team Korean Tech Giant, or Team Chinese Innovation Leader—Susy doesn't discriminate. She bonds equally with all devices. We're bringing world peace, one parasitic charger at a time.
Over 10,000 microscopic suction cups bond with your device at the molecular level regardless of material—glass, aluminum, plastic, "premium" polycarbonate, or whatever your manufacturer calls it. Once attached, Susy becomes part of your phone's soul.
Watch as Susy's face changes based on battery level. Happy at 100%, anxious at 50%, exhausted at 20%, and peacefully sleeping when your phone dies. She judges your screen time habits across all operating systems equally.
Gentle "nom nom nom" feeding sounds when charging. Soft breathing noises during idle time. Occasional sighs when you're scrolling at 3 AM. The sounds are phonetically optimized to annoy users of all phone brands simultaneously.
Choose from Midnight Susy (Stealth Edition), Coral Susy (Instagram Aesthetic), or the ultra-rare Translucent Susy where you can see her "bio-mechanical organs" at work. Each species works on all phones—we're not brand-specific elitists.
*Per Susy unit. Unbonding ritual kit sold separately for ¥€$79.99. No warranty coverage for Susy-related incidents.
Expected delivery: Eventually. Maybe. We're working on it. After 2046
Susy works flawlessly with phones from all manufacturers. We've tested her on devices ranging from $99 budget phones to $1,999 "premium flagship" phones that do basically the same thing. Your phone's price tag doesn't intimidate Susy.
Note: Susy adapts her bonding algorithm based on your phone's back material. Premium glass? Plastic that "feels like glass"? Metal? "Vegan leather"? Ceramic? She mocks them all equally while charging your device.
LEGAL DISCLAIMER & PARODY NOTICE:
Susy: The Perpetual Leech Tool is a 100% FICTIONAL parody product created for entertainment purposes only. This product DOES NOT EXIST and CANNOT be purchased. Susy is not real. We repeat: SUSY IS NOT REAL. No actual laws of physics, thermodynamics, or common sense were consulted in the creation of this concept.
This is a SATIRICAL COMMENTARY on smartphone accessory ecosystems, planned obsolescence, and consumer electronics culture. It is NOT affiliated with, endorsed by, or connected to any smartphone manufacturer, operating system developer, or technology company.
All brand references are used for parody and comedic purposes only. No trademark infringement is intended. If you're a lawyer reading this: please don't. It's a joke about a parasitic blob named Susy that charges phones with screen light. We're not that serious.
Side effects of imagining Susy may include: questioning your relationship with technology, wondering why you can't name your phone's charger, and briefly considering if your actual accessories judge you. Fictional Susy may develop separation anxiety. Results completely fabricated. Not responsible for existential crises about smartphone dependency or emotional attachment to non-existent organisms.
TL;DR: This is satire. Susy is fake. Don't sue us. Go charge your phone the normal way. oksusy.com exists purely for laughs.